Today is a shower day!  Again it is the little things that make me happy and a shower is one of them.  Keeping my long hair in a pony tail and hat all day for 4 days just feels gross.  Not wearing make-up helps, but putting sun block on multiple times a day doesn’t help my skin.  The boys finally caught a fish – a good one at that.  Ron pulled in a beautiful tuna fish and showed Matt how to clean it.  Of course I had to turn away as I was not having any of that instruction.  They lost me at the first sentence – “start cutting from the anus to the mouth” ugh.  Ron and Matt tried really hard to prepare fish so that I would eat it, but I could not do it.  I am a light hearted, white fish connoisseur and not a fan of Tuna.  With the fear of an upset tummy, I just did not want to tempt fate. However, I did try a small piece that was cooked more than it should have been and blackened – and have to admit that it was pretty good.

During this first week of the crossing I felt really lonely and small out in the middle of this vast ocean.  The sky and the ocean are vast as you can imagine and with no cell service or email communication (since I personally am not online) and 3 men it has been isolating.  Don’t get me wrong, my husband is one of the three men, but I can only take so many conversations about cars, boats, planes and the weight of oil.  I did not take into account that I built my life around women – I am surrounded by women all day (my company is 90% women), most of my friends are female, and of course there is my sister and my mom.  Not having female contact has really impacted my moods and my attitude.  I did not take that into account – so I am trying to read more feminine stories (love stories and silly girlie things).  I felt that way during the day and at night – but mostly at night as everyone else is asleep and I am truly alone at the helm.

Tonight however was different and brought along a new change of heart.  Off the bow, sides of the boat and the stern are billions of little diamonds shining at me – well actually it is phosphorescence, but diamonds sound so much more romantic.  If you have the right condition, calm seas, bright moon and clear evening and the beauty is amazing. It is so pretty, delicate, and fleeting – I want to reach down and capture it before it disappears.  In addition to the beauty of the sea, there is beauty in the sky.  For the past 2 nights, I have been greeted with a shooting star and then I have the pleasure of being surrounded by millions of other stars glittering up the night sky – it is beautiful and easily makes you believe you are part of something greater – something magical and something much bigger than the world you live in

Thank goodness Matt has been good about blogging as I have not been able to get near the computer.  I have been trying to write my point of view of the crossing in my journal but I find I need my journal for an emotional release more than a documentation of the trip.  I know Matt is blogging about the escapades of our trip, the food and the weather so I don’t need to capture that information – but I did want to write down a female’s perspective of the crossing.  We are using sail mail through the USB radio (someone on the boat has to have an FCC license in order to get a sail mail email address) which is great because you can receive and send email.  But it is slow and limited.  The biggest issue for us has been the size limitation (with 4 people on boat and daily grib file downloads we seem to exceed the size and time each day (limit is 90 minutes a week).  Keep in mind that the time it takes to get and keep a connection counts toward your limit.  Even with these drawbacks, this is better than nothing and it would be horribly lonely without that contact – highly recommend using it or something similar.

My dare devil husband had to go back up the mast to fix the lines again.  It’s a good thing that he is brave enough to do these tasks, strong enough to complete them and smart enough to figure out what needs to be done and dumb enough to ignore his previous bruises.  Everyone now defers to him for guidance, instructions, and sailing trim.  We thought we would be learning, but it appears that we or Matt is the expert and is leading more than following.  He certainly seems to have more knowledge about the sail trim, sail destination, and sail plan.  Thank goodness he is on team Christine J

GIANT waves today – I thought they were big before, but I wrong!  We have seen some big waves on Ruthless, but these waves sound so different on the catamaran.  It sounds as if our boat is rising on the wave and then crashing down on rocks – it is the worse sound in the entire world.  Each time the boat hits a wave it rips through my nerves.

Everything is covered in salt and is wet, even though the sun is out and it is warm.  It is the first time that I feel comfy in a skort and a jacket, but that is the only thing bringing me comfort.  All I can say is “thank goodness” for the drugs my doc gave me as they have prevented me from getting sick – even with today’s rollers (scopolamine Patch or “Transferm Scop Patch” and meclazine an oral medication).  Even though the wind is blowing hard, the waves are too big and to give us any boat speed – it takes to darn long to go up the wave and then corkscrew down – we are not making much head way toward our destination.  We will certainly miss our flights.  I kept my nose in my book attempting to ignore the fact that the boat literally disappears and is swallowed by each wave.  During my shift I had to suck it up, swallow my fears and get on the helm.  For the first time on this trip, I almost reached for the xanax (anti-anxiety medicine), but stopped short from actually taking it.  All I kept thinking was “what happened to a great tail wind, set the spinnaker and never make any sail changes” that is what was promised, what was said on the blogs, what the ARC website and previous people who crossed?  It was a long, wet night, but we all made it through.